That Ugly side of me…….

Everyone loves the Good side. And many can even deal with or tolerate the Bad side. But what about the Ugly side? Not everyone sees that side. It doesn’t even show up often. It comes out when feelings and emotions are not in control and that honest vulnerable side comes out and shows up. You’re not poised and pulled together. You are just you. The Real you. The side that has trauma from the past that you haven’t fully recovered from. The parts of you that have been well hidden. Hidden behind success, drive, accolades, pictures, and anything that helps us to cope. How long can you cope? How long before you fall apart? Do you trust people around you to show them that ugly side? After you show them will they stick around and be prepared to support you? Or will they not like what they see because they had an idea of who you really were? We all have a side that we don’t want anyone to see. We hide it so deep that when it comes out we or whomever we reveal it to calls us the one word that we all cringe at the sound of, crazy. But how do we get past being called crazy and understanding how to deal with trauma that we were apart of in our past? As for me, I thought that I had dealt with my trauma. There would be times I noticed when I got angry or would try to express how strong I am or how I will not allow any man to talk to me any kind of way that 7 year old girl would come out. When I was 7, I was at a family members birthday party and my father walked up to me and said “Hi pretty girl what’s your name”? I have kept that question in the back of my mind. So much so that I make it my business to let everyone know who Tiara is. For years I have made it my business to show my worth, my value, and leave my mark on this earth. I have made other people suffer and I forgot that instead of making the world feel who I am, I should have shown who I was with my love, strength, tenacity, motivation,inspiration, power,my voice, and how I’ve been screaming to be seen and heard. I use to deal with, cope, and manage that ugly side of me. Now I have opened that vulnerable part, that ugly monster that I have created all from being hurt at 7 from a man that was trying to understand himself in that very same moment. That ugly side use to be managed and now it’s being treated. Treated and understood. We have to pay attention to that Ugly side just as much if not more than our Good and Bad sides. On your worst days when our Ugly side cries out we must pay attention to it. We have to seek guidance,advice, and support if we cannot handle all that it comes with. Our Ugly side can overpower us to a point where someone that we love can think that they’ve never even known the real us. We must be mindful of that Ugly side so that we can be the real us in life. They say you can’t be truthful to others if you lie to yourself everyday. It’s time to embrace that ugly side. To love and nurture it. To better appreciate that part of you because the Ugly side makes you part of who you are. I love you every single part of me. The Good. The Bad. And oh yes, The Ugly. ❤️
Tiara ?